Saying Goodbye
by AliciaReneeWriter
Summary: Sometimes things are complicated, and sometimes the best option is to simply say goodbye. An Alex and Olivia one shot, set in modern day. E/O friendship. Summary inside xo


**Hey everyone.**

 **So, this idea came to me earlier tonight while I was just relaxing and listening to some music. Set in current day but kinda AU; Alex and Olivia are in their twenties. Alex is in law school and Olivia is simply a police officer working for the 55th Precinct in the Bronx. They have been in a relationship for eight months, until things grow complicated and they realize that maybe its best that they part ways.**

 **I don't own the characters, but I wish I did.**

 **Enjoy xoxo**

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 **Saying Goodbye [ONESHOT]**

Things had been off for the last week.

Olivia Benson hated feeling like things were off, like she was losing control of something and that it was slipping further and further from her grasp. Due to a tumultuous childhood, her senses were on high alert. She grew attached to others quickly, yet she could quickly sense when something was simply not right. She detected the slightest changes in conversation and body language, her anxiety kicked in and would immediately allow her to think of every worst case scenario until she was reassured. She noticed this with the friends she had, and she especially noticed that with those she was in a relationship with.

She had definitely picked up on things being off with her girlfriend, Alexandra Cabot.

They had had a wonderful eight months together so far. After meeting randomly on the day of her twenty fourth birthday, over a year ago, things had progressed naturally. They started off as friends – speaking to each other daily through direct messages on social media and later texts once they exchanged numbers. Upon discovering they were in the same city for their respective lives – Alex being a law student while Olivia was enrolled in the police academy – they were able to set up times to hang out further and get to know each other even more. She had introduced him to her friends – law student Casey Novak, and police officer Odafin Tutuola. She had even introduced her to her very best friend whom was also a police officer, Elliot Stabler. Alex had introduced her to her cousin, a girl named Amanda Rollins – whom was in the police academy in Atlanta but was up for a visit during the summer, and her own Nick Amaro, whom had recently become a police officer for New York as well. They met each other's parents, but their parents didn't know that their daughters were falling for each other and falling fast.

They got together in July – just eight months ago – and while their close friends and Alex's cousin knew of their relationship, their parents did not know. Olivia knew that her mother would most likely be okay with their relationship after the initial shock wore off, but Alex's parents were very religious and sort of had a tight leash on her; they would never be okay with them dating.

Still, the two girls continued their relationship, though keeping it a secret from their families as neither of them were ready to face those consequences yet. As the months rolled on, Olivia graduated from the academy and secured a job working as an officer for the fifty-fifth precinct in the Bronx, and Alex continued her studies at law school while helping at home during the week. Alex would spend the weekend in the tiny apartment that Olivia had managed to afford with her job. Their relationship was easy and relaxed. They laughed like best friends, yet their connection was deep like lovers. With every cuddle, every kiss, and every morning of waking up in each other's arms, they felt as though this was a glimpse into their future that they would speak of every so often. Marriage was not an essential to them, but they were going to be together and they were going to have children; they saw their future together.

Well, at least, Olivia did – she just thought Alex saw it too.

So now here she was, parked outside her apartment building on the cold, spring afternoon, her fingers drumming against the steering wheel of her black, 1963 Ford Falcon convertible that she had gifted herself with some months earlier to celebrate graduating from the academy. Seeing as she'd had the day off, she had been helping Casey study for an upcoming final exam for one of her classes, this having been a great distraction and something to focus on rather than what was going on with Alex. She and Casey had been taking a break and having lunch at a diner when she had gotten Alex's text about half an hour earlier, saying that she was already at the apartment and that she needed to talk to her about something. The text had immediately led to a sinking feeling in her stomach, and Casey encouraged her to go and see what was going on.

Now, she was trying to calm the feeling of dread that had consumed her. Alex had been acting a little different over the last week, though it all started on a Sunday night two weeks ago she and Olivia had to have a heart to heart via text. Alex had been consumed with guilt of being so secretive, and fear of not being a great girlfriend to Olivia, all because a guy named Trevor Langan – whom had been a great friend of Alex's for a long time – suddenly came to her parents to ask if they would be alright with them dating. Alex had not been prepared for this, and with nobody other than her cousin and Olivia's friends knowing of the relationship between her and Olivia, she suddenly felt so guilty. The two parties text each other and stared at their phones through hazes of tears in their respective places on that Sunday night; Alex trying to tell Olivia that she wasn't sure if they could continue or sure if she could make her happy, while Olivia was trying to tell her how happy she made her and trying to convince her to hold on.

Things had been alright – or so Olivia thought.

She glanced at her iPhone as it pinged yet again, signaling a new iMessage. She had been messaging her best friend Elliot all day, and he was trying to convince her that things would be alright between her and Alex, that they simply needed to talk, and everything would be okay and that she did not need to worry. Olivia was thankful for his support really; he was really being patient with her today and she was grateful.

 _'Elliot: 3:26pm – You okay?'_

Her fingers danced across the screen as she replied;

 _'3:27pm – Just got to the apartment; about to go up. Alex said she's already here; will call you after.'_

 _'Elliot: 3:27pm – I'll be waiting for your call. Keep your head up, Benson'_

Olivia smiled at the message, before finally getting out of the car. She made sure it was locked before making her way into the building, giving a smile to one of her neighbors whom was exiting the building as she passed. She took the stairs up to the third floor where her apartment was, the feeling of dread growing stronger with each step. Her hands shook slightly as she put the key in the lock and turned, and when she heard the locks click, she swallowed hard.

She turned the knob and made her way inside. The apartment was quiet apart from the dull hum of the central air conditioning system, the faint sound of the refrigerator as it whirred away and the faint sound of the television from the living room area on the other side of the divider wall between the door area and the living area. She shut the door and locked it, before following the sound of the television. She found Alex sitting on her sofa cross legged. Olivia took in a moment to drink in her appearance; a pair of black leggings with a light-colored sweater like top and a pair of black sneakers. Her blonde hair was tied back into a ponytail, and her black rimmed glasses were over her eyes.

Olivia swallowed, before taking a further look around the room. Her eyes went wide when she noticed some bags in the corner, but before she could speak, Alex looked up and gave a soft smile.

"Hey Liv." She softly spoke. Olivia gave a soft smile as well, hanging her jacket up before joining her girlfriend on the sofa. She greeted her with a kiss on the cheek, only to sigh slightly when she noticed that Alex didn't seem to react to the sweet gesture and instead turned to face her.

"So, um, you said you needed to talk?" Olivia questioned after a few moments of silence. Alex nodded her head, a sigh escaping her lips. She grabbed the remote and turned the television off, before grabbing hold of Olivia's hand. Olivia squeezed her hand, trying her hardest to keep her nerves at bay as she encouraged her girlfriend to speak.

"Olivia, you know I love you – right?"

Olivia nodded her head, rubbing her thumb over the smooth ivory skin of her girlfriend's hand; "I know, I love you too."

Alex gave a small smile, before looking down at their hands. Olivia tilted her head to the side, before speaking; "Alex, what is it?"

"Olivia, I love you – I love you so much," there was a brief pause before the blonde started speaking again, "But…I…I have to let you go; I can't give you what you need, or make you happy in the long run; I just…not with the way my parents are and I don't want you to have to deal with that, to deal with them hating you."

Olivia swallowed hard. Part of her – a very small part of her – had seen this coming, but she refused to believe it would happen. Tears welled in her eyes, yet she blinked them away before swallowing;

"Alex, you don't have to do this," she squeezed her hand, "Baby, you know I would go through anything to be with you. Screw what anyone has to say; I would go through hell to be with you. Alex, you make me happy – you always make me so happy; please don't do this."

"I know you would go through hell to be with me, and I love you enough to know that you deserve better than that," Alex looked up, and Olivia was able to see the tears sliding down her cheeks,

"Olivia, you have given me the best eight months of my life; you've taught me to love myself again and saved me more times than I can ever think of, and I can never thank you enough. You're an abundance of light and joy, you give so much to other people without thinking of yourself and it's beautiful. Liv, you deserve someone that can show you off like you deserve to be, that can make you happy and-"

"You make me happy, Alex," Olivia interrupted, a sob escaping her lips as the tears finally spilled down her cheeks, "Baby, you've made me so happy and you're everything to me. I don't care, I just want to go through life with you; I just want you – I don't care about all those little things."

"Olivia please, I'm so sorry," Alex cupped her cheeks, stroking the tears away with her thumbs, "I'm so sorry, but I can't do this. You deserve a normal family, with a child that will be loved by both grandparents and not hated because of the family dynamic. I'm sorry I couldn't give you everything you deserve, but I want you to go and be free, and get what you deserve."

"Alex, I want you; I don't want anyone but you." Olivia began sobbing now, not caring how pathetic she sounded as she clutched her hands in her lap. Alex leaned her forehead against Olivia's. Both girls could feel their hearts breaking as they cried together. Olivia hadn't thought that things would end like this, but it seemed that it was happening and there was nothing she could do to stop it. Alex had made up her mind, and as painful as it was, Olivia had to accept it.

"Olivia, I'm sorry," Alex sniffled, holding her face gently against her, "I'm so sorry, I am _so_ sorry; I love you, I really do, but you're strong and you're going to be okay. I want us to be friends, I don't want you to hate me."

"I could never hate you, Alex," Olivia sat up a bit, tears still falling down her cheeks, "Alex, I love you; and I just…I'm sorry I couldn't be enough."

"You're more than enough, Olivia; but I love you enough to know that I need to let you go," Alex had thick tears falling down her cheeks as well, "I am so sorry, and I understand if you need some time; I'm just so sorry for this."

"Me too." Olivia nodded her head, swallowing her.

The two girls stared at each other for a moment, before leaning in and kissing each other. The kiss set off a million fireworks in their hearts yet led to a fresh slew of tears to flow down their cheeks. They knew that this was a kiss to say goodbye; their relationship was ending, and as painful as it was, it had to happen. Olivia knew deep down that Alex was right, that she deserved a normal family whether with a woman or man, that her future children deserved to have grandparents that would love her on both sides. With Alex, that was never going to happen. Her parents were never going accept their relationship. They were going to hate Alex if they found out, and as much as Olivia loved Alex, she could not let her go through that.

They pulled apart after some moments, resting their foreheads against each other's. The tears were still flowing, their hearts were broken, but this was the way it had to be.

"I'm sorry." Alex whispered. She then stood up and grabbed her two bags which were full of any clothing or items she had left around the apartment over the last few months. She removed her key from the ring and put it on the coffee table. Olivia stared at the key on the table, barely acknowledging when Alex glanced back at her one more time with tears still falling down her face. She heard Alex's footsteps as they grew more and more faint, and when the door closed behind the blonde woman, Olivia felt her heart break as more tears fell down her face.

She grabbed her phone, her fingers dancing across as she looked at the screen through a haze of tears;

 _'4:00pm – Come over? Need you :/'_

 _Ping!_

 _'Elliot: 4:01pm – On my way.'_

Olivia put her phone aside and curled up on the sofa, hugging a pillow to her chest as she finally allowed the sobs to escape her lips. She felt an actual pain in her chest as if she could feel her heart breaking even more as she sobbed uncontrollably. She didn't know how she would ever get over this, and while she kept telling herself that it was for the best, she also knew that her heart had been completely shattered and for once, she felt so scared, vulnerable, and lost.

She continued sobbing for a while, barely acknowledging the familiar knock at the door, or the turn of the locks as a key was used. She didn't acknowledge when the door opened and closed, and she only began sobbing even more when a strong pair of arms wrapped around her and the familiar scent of cologne filled her nostrils. She buried her face into his firm chest, her body shaking as the sobs started to escape even more.

"Livia," his Brooklyn accent filtered through her ears though his voice was quiet, "Shh; it'll be okay – I got you."

"El…El…Elliot, p…please, hold me." She simply stuttered before sobbing even more, her heart breaking completely as she shattered completely whilst in the arms of her best friend.

Her heart was broken, and she had no idea how to pick it back up again.

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 _ **I got a little emotional while writing this. I hope you all enjoyed this one shot, and please let me know what you think. And let me know if you'd be interested in maybe a follow up to this one-shot. Until next time ... xoxo**_


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